State of Mind
by theladyclyne
Summary: You are the only one who can set your destiny.


Disclaimers

I don't own Digimon in anyway

So please don't sue me

Authors note: Angel_M

Hiiiiiiii

This is digimon fic about Ken as he goes through the stage of not knowing who he is.

State of mind

He sank into the darkness of his mind. He did not know anything. Who he was. Where he was. All that he knew was that he was Lonely.

Ken saw himself walking on a cliff. The moon was out and the sky was pitch black. He looked around and saw nothing. Nothing at all. He hated loneliness. It was the scariest thing to him. A wind came up against him. It felt so cold, so cold that it felt like ice. He placed his arms around himself hoping to shield himself. Suddenly he was covered in darkness. The cliff was gone. The moon was gone. Everything was gone. Even the harsh wind. He looked around and saw nothingness. Where did everything go? He asked himself. A figure appeared in the darkness. He saw who it was and ran towards the figure. As he reached the figure it disappeared. "No don't leave me! Please I don't want to be alone! Come back..." He yelled to the darkness. He fell to his knees. His hands clutched his head and he started to cry. "... Brother" He whispered to the darkness. A tear fell from his face and hit the darkness. The tear shattered like glass shards when it hit the ground. The shards broke into twelve pieces. But one shot off into the darkness the remaining piece's surrounded him. They started to glow a bright white. He stood up and looked at the glowing glass shards. They formed into the bodies of children; yet he could not see the features; just the shape of them. "Who are you? What do you want?" He said to the figures. They said nothing. They did nothing. "Stay away from me!" He yelled to them as he tried to find a way out.

__

"Why?" One asked in a young boy's voice as it stepped forward. _"Just so that you can be alone again?" _The figure asked him as it stepped back away from him. 

No. I don't want to be alone he thought sadly as he looked at the figures. "I don't want to be alone" Ken replied quietly to them. Another figures stepped forward. But this one had the shape of a girl his age with short hair.

__

"Then why will you not let us come close to you?" She asked him. Ken stood there silently. The figure of the girl walked around him. Watching him. His eyes fallowed her every move. She reached back to where she started and faced him fully_. "Why?" _She asked again as she stepped back. _"Yes why?" _They all asked him. He looked at all of them. He wanted to see their faces. But it was useless. He saw light. And only light.

"The last person that I came close to left me!" He yelled to them. "If I get close to anything..." He said as he trailed off. Another stepped forward. A boy, but he was younger then Ken. _"What? What will happen if you get that close to anything" _he asked. The small boy stepped back. Ken stood silent. He clenched his fingernails in his fist's to stop from crying. He looked at the ground. "Because! Because whatever I get close to Dies!" He yelled as he shot his head back up. The figures looked at him. 

A tall boy with large hair walked towards him. He stopped right in front of Ken. Ken looked at the figure. _"What do you mean? What do you mean by saying that they die?" _He asked Ken. Ken looked at the figure angrily. Why was he asking him this? Why? Hadn't he gone through enough pain already? Why was this happening to him? Ken could no longer stop his tears from showing. They poured down his face. Not stopping. He lashed out at the figure of the boy. But he fell through the figure. The figure was not solid. Ken fell to the ground. He turned and looked at the boy's figure. _"What did you mean?" _He asked again. Ken whipped his tears from his face. He sat on the ground quietly for a moment.

He stood up slowly and looked at the figure again. "My brother. My older brother died. He was the only one that I was ever close to. He died. He left me alone!" He said to the figures. The figure of the boy stepped back. 

__

"That must have been it then" the figures said. Ken looked at all of them. He wondered what it meant. As he looked at them he could see that they were starting to show features.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked them. They looked at each other. He could see them smiling. Why are they smiling? He thought. Did they enjoy his pain? His suffering? "Answer me!" Yelled to them.

__

"They say that there are events in a person's life. These event's set the course. The course of what you will become, of what your destiny will be" they said. Ken looked at them and still did not understand what they meant. "_But these event's. They are pointless. Only after these events do you find out who you truly are. And what you will become" _they said sadly. That can't be true? He thought. If that were true, he was destined to me alone, and hated for the rest of his life. He stared at them in hatred.

"That is a lie!" He yelled to them. "After his death I became cold and heartless. I will not become like that. That will not be my destiny!" He yelled to the figures. Tears ran from his face again. He fell to his knees again and wrapped his arms around himself. He did not want to be alone. He hated that feeling of loneliness so much.

__

"You do not understand" they said. Ken looked up and saw that they were growing features still. He could see their eyes and their mouths. _"There was another moment. This moment also helped set your course. Do you not remember this event" _they said to him. He thought. But nothing came to his mind. 

An image appeared in front of him. He saw an image of him holding wormmon just before he died. Ken looked at the image and saw wormmon disappear. I remember that. I hated that moment. I must have blocked it out. To forget the pain he thought to himself. "Why? Why? Why did you make me remember that painful moment?" He asked them quietly.

The figures started to walk around him. They ignored his question. _"Your destiny is not set in stone yet. But these two events have already begun to form your destiny. If you did not remember both... Your destiny would have been set. And once it is set. You can not erase it." _They said as they watched him. He struggled to stand up, but he fell back to his knees. 

"My destiny is my own. I will set it. Nobody else will set my destiny!" He yelled to them as he struggled to stand up again. They stopped walking and faced him.

__

"We already knew that... Did you?" They asked him. They were right. He had to set his destiny. But he didn't know how too. How could he change it? He didn't want to be hated. To be lonely. He wanted to be loved. _"What will you choose? A life of hatred and loneliness. Or a life of warmth and love"_ The said to him quietly. Why were they making him choose? He just wanted to be left alone, but at the same time he didn't want to be alone. His feelings were a contradiction. 

"Please stop asking me these questions? Make them stop. Just leave me alone!" He yelled to him. The figures lowered their heads silently. The light surrounding them slowly disappeared into the darkness. Ken's eyes went wide in fear. They were leaving him. He was going to be alone again. "What's going on? Why are you leaving?" He cried out sadly to them.

__

"This is what you want. And since this is what you desire, you are setting your destiny as we speak. Remember that you alone set the course that your life shall run. The moments that you cast are the events that you shall live within your soul for all of eternity. Choose these event's wisely for you can not erase what you have set in stone" they said as they completely disappeared into the nothingness that surrounded him.

The light was now gone. The darkness was back. He looked all around him. Hoping to see a form of light. The light was nowhere to be seen. He was alone again. Heard a sound come from behind him. He turned around and he still saw nothing. He heard it again. He ran towards the sound hoping to find something. Hoping to find someone. He stopped for and moment and caught his breath. He hung his head towards the ground. He lifted his head slowly to see if he could see anything yet. His eyes widened with fear. What he saw was as almost as painful as the loneliness he felt. But this was even more painful. He saw his image. The image of him. No. Not him. The Kaizer. His image smiled at him evilly. Ken walked backward away from his image.

"What's wrong Ken? It looks like you saw a ghost" The Kaizer laughed as he walked towards Ken. Ken stumbled as he walked backwards. He fell to the ground. He looked above him and stared at his other self in fear. He tried to squirm away but he couldn't move. The darkness had formed a wall behind him, blocking him from escaping. "Why is it that you now fear me?" The Kaizer asked Ken with an evil smile on his face as he stood over Ken. Ken slowly stood up and looked himself in the eyes.

"Get away from me" Ken said still attempting to get away. The Kaizer pinned Ken to the wall of darkness. Ken's hands were unable to move for the were underneath he Kaizer's grasp.

"That wasn't the right response!" He growled at Ken. Ken tried to look at his other self's eyes, but he could not see his eyes through the glasses. The Kaizer removed one of his hands from Ken's wrist and took of his glasses. Before Ken could move his free arm the darkness held it down. Ken looked into his eyes and saw only a dark blue. He saw no pupil, just a dark blue. He let go of Ken's other wrist and the darkness took grasp of it. "This is much better" He said to Ken happily. He placed the glasses back onto his face. He turned his back to Ken and slowly walked away from him.

"What do you want?" Ken yelled to him. The Kaizer turned around slowly and glared at Ken. He ran up to Ken and placed his hands around his throat and smiled evilly. Ken gasped for air. 

"I want to come back. I want to be released again. I want your soul" He said in to Ken's ear softly. Every hair on Ken's body stood on end. Ken's eyes went wide with shock. The Kaizer moved his head so that it was in front of Ken's. So close that their face's almost touched. "Why do you looked so shock? Is it a surprise that I want to be freed" He said. He walked back away from Ken but still facing him. He snapped his fingers and the darkness released Ken. He fell to the ground and looked at his other self with hatred. 

"Why would I want to free you?" Ken snapped as he rubbed his neck gently. The Kaizer smiled evilly. Ken stood up and looked at him again. "All I want is for things to go back to the way it was!" He yelled at the Kaizer. His other self walked up to him.

"I can make all of your pain go away, I can make it go back to the way it was. But you have to set me free again" He said as he looked at him and held his out to Ken. Ken wanted to make the pain go away but becoming the Kaizer is what caused most of his pain. He reluctantly started to reach for the Kaizer's hand. The Kaizer smiled evilly. Ken stopped when he head a voice come from inside his head.

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'.... You are setting your destiny as we speak. Remember that you alone set the course that your life shall run. The moments that you cast are the events that you shall live within your soul for all of eternity. Choose these event's wisely for you can not erase what you have set in stone....'

It was the voices of the eleven children that were surrounded in light. They were right. Ken pulled his hand back. "No! I won't set you free!" He yelled to his other half. The Kaizer was taken aback by Ken's outburst.

He slapped Ken in the face and he fell to the ground. Ken looked up from the ground angrily. "Who do you think you are?" The Kaizer growled to Ken. 

"I am Ken, and I will never set you free again!" He yelled to his other self. The Kaizer was getting very mad at Ken. He pulled out his whip and gave Ken a evil glare.

"You have some nerve. Do you think you can defeat me? You are not a worthy opponent" He snapped at Ken as he whipped him. The whip lashed against his arm. Ken's arm started to bleed. Ken stood up and stared him in the eyes. "And you will set me free." He said sternly.

Ken looked at his eyes and thought of how lonely it was being the Kaizer. Everyone hated him. He didn't want to be hated. He didn't want to be lonely anymore. "No" he said quietly.

"What the hell did you say?" He said as he gripped his whip. He was getting ready to hit Ken with it again. But something was happening. The darkness was very slowly fading.

"NO!" Ken screamed. Suddenly the twelfth piece of the broken tear formed in front of Ken and the Kaizer. The tear started to glow. The Kaizer grew a panicked look on his face as it glowed.

He tried to grab the glowing object but his hand was disappearing. "No. This can't be!" He yelled as he saw himself disappearing slowly.

__

"He has chosen. The path of his destiny has now been set. This event has been set in stone and can not be rewritten" It was the voices of the children. Ken watched the Kaizer disappear slowly into the nothingness.

"You have a strong will. That is a very important asset. I never would have thought that you could have defeated me. You are a worthy opponent." Kaizer said as he disappeared. Ken was suddenly engulfed in the light that came from the shard of the tear. He looked around him and saw the eleven children form around again. He could see that their features still grew and he saw colours to them.

"You came back" Ken said happily as he smiled to the figures. He saw them smiling back at him.

__

"You have chosen. Your destiny is being written. The path... What path have you chosen?" They asked him. He looked at the tear in front of him. The light that came from it glowed like the children. The light felt so warm. So caring. He did not want loneliness. Or hatred. He looked at the children.

"I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be hated." He said to them. He saw them smiling still. "... But, I don't know how to be not alone... or close to people" He said sadly to them. The figures looked at each other and smiled.

__

"We can show you. We can show you how to become close to people that you know.... And care about" They said happily. Tears started to form in Ken's eyes again. But these tears were different from before. They were not for sadness. They were for joy and happiness. _"All that you have to do is..."_

"What? Please tell me what I have to do?" He said to them. A boy stepped forward. This boy had spiky hair. Ken could see a faded colour of brown as his hair.

The boy Smiled at Ken and held his hand out to him. _"Trust us"_ the boy said. Ken looked at the boy's hand and then at the rest of them. He saw them smiling happily. _"You do trust us, don't you"_ The boy asked him.

Ken whipped the tears from his face and smiled at them. "I do trust you" He said as he nodded to them. He trusted them. He had not trusted anyone for such along time. But these figures of children seemed to comfort him. They made him feel as if he belonged. As if he wasn't an outcast. Ken liked this feeling so very much.

__

"Then take my hand. And then you shall never be alone again" The boy said happily. Ken placed his hand forward slowly. He hesitated for a moment. He thought of how he had almost taken the Kaizer's hand. He wondered if was making a mistake. If this is a mistake, I... I chose to make this mistake. He put his hand into the boy's hand. As their hands touched the light surrounding them shot out throughout the darkness illuminating everything. He looked at the children. He saw that the features that they beared showed fully now. He saw everything. He saw that they smiled happily at him. He looked at the boy who he held hands with. The boy smiled as well. _"Congratulations" _they said to him. 

He smiled at all of them happily. I'm not alone anymore. The loneliness is disappearing he though as he looked at them. He saw that three of the children were girls and that seven were boys. The boy let go of his hand. "Thank you so much, I don't know how it repay you" Ken said to them. 

The Boy walked back to the others. They all looked at each other. Then they looked at Ken and smiled. _"Wake up"_ They said. 

Ken fluttered his eyes open. He sat up and looked around his room. "What just happened? Was that real or just... A state of mind?".

So what do you think?

Like please review

No like don't bother unless you wanna flame

Though I rather have complements

Note:

This is not Kensuke type fic. 

I only put Ken touching Davis's hand cuz

he's like Ken's first friend.

till the next fic

^^


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